Our Silent Battle
- brendabowen722
- Jun 21, 2024
- 7 min read
Updated: Aug 4, 2024
Have you ever looked back at certain times in your life and wondered, how on earth did I make it through in one piece?
It is difficult to put into words 2023 and 2024. There was so much pain, stress, loss, anger, confusion and heartache. However, their was also victory, lessons learned, opportunities arising , self discovery and self transformation. My life will never be the same.
Anyone else reading this and saying to themselves, same here, Sister?! Same here!
I choose to believe that in the mist of landslides, their is still hope, joy, strength and a purpose to fulfill. Is it always easy? Absolutely not. However, If I don't choose hope as my mind frame, my journey would have been of a loss.
What I am about to share I pray that it could be used for strength, hope, support and awareness. I pray that it will be used as a discussion piece with others and shared with many that could benefit. I pray that it will create a ripple effect of love, awareness, hope and support. Not fear, sadness and despair. It is being shared in hopes that it will come across to individuals who are currently in the same situation, have been or in the beginning phases of your own silent battle. I pray God grants you peace through-out your own journey as he has so mercifully done and continues to do for me.
I kept a secret...
On May 23, 2023, prior to my big brothers passing and shortly after our Moms passing I received some news myself. "Mrs. Bowen, we have found cancerous cells..." My heart was beating so loudly muffling the voice of my ENT doctor as I held the phone unto my ear. I was sitting in my garage cooling down from my workout as I watched Emilio ( 7 at the time) run around playing and showing me his chalk artwork on the driveway. The doctor mentioned other things, which I honestly cannot recall. The next sentence which I can recall is, you must reach out to an oncologist ASAP. Can I help you search for one? I kept my eyes on Emilio as I smiled at his art work and responded to my ENT doctor "Thank You, that will not be necessary." I reached out to my husband Cortney who immediately left work to be by my side. I didn't know how much longer I could hold in the pressure I felt in my chest. I was standing in the kitchen washing dishes and looking out the mirror when Cortney arrived. He chose a movie for Emilio and told him that Mommy and Daddy had important phone calls to make. We rushed upstairs and as soon as the door closed in the office and his arms wrapped around me, that pressure nagging at me for over an hour ripped out of my chest and through my mouth as I attempted to whisper to Cortney, "I'm next and I don't want to die."
I feel fine!!
In May of 2023, I learned that I had cancerous cells trapped in a lymph node on the Left side of my neck. That story is a miracle all on it's own which I promise to share on my next blog. After many testing's and over a month later, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Triple Negative Occult Breast Cancer. Only 1 - 3% of cancer population have been diagnosed with this rare
form of Breast Cancer and within those numbers a 1% have been diagnosed at my age (43 at the time). Majority have been over the age of 60. Not only was I diagnosed with Breast Cancer, but the cancerous cells traveled unto my voice box and throat classifying it as a secondary Head and Neck Cancer at a 15%. I never displayed any symptoms of cancer nor did my yearly mammograms' spot anything. Overall, I was in perfect health other than my usual allergies and constant sinus issues. I maintained active, food intake was the same, no weight loss, no loss of appetite, no fatigue, no breast abnormalities. So, how did you find out that you had cancer you may ask??? Well, I guess you will have to wait until my next upcoming blog! Ha! What I do implore is to please stay vigilant with yourself and body.
Why does this keep happening?
Many questions were constantly flowing through my mind. Allow me to give you a bit of background information about the Gonzalez family. Unfortunately, we are no strangers to that awful C word. Eight years ago, my father fought Prostate Cancer and won. Seven years ago, my Mother fought Thyroid Cancer and won. Five years ago, my Oldest
brother (Jr.) fought Esophageal Cancer and won. Ready for the plot twist? Two years ago we learned that our brother Junior's cancer returned with a vengeance and in June 23, 2023 he lost his battle. Prior to his passing, our Mother was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in September of 2022 and in February 2023 ,she also lost her battle. My questions to God weren't too off course and understandably why. Two specific questions kept running circles around my head:
Why does THIS keep happening? Am I next?
This ends here!
The next 24 hours was research mode for my husband and I. Phone calls to our insurance company, phone calls to different cancer clinics, minus one phone call... the one to my family. After feeling fear followed by sadness, along came anger and grit. I've had enough, it was time to fight, it was time to put this all to an end. This cycle of illness will end now and it will end with me. This is not how my story will end and it will not define me. I will overcome this obstacle and help in providing hope for others fighting this battle. I was and am determined to win this war.
As Cortney and I prepared for war, I made the decision to keep it silent. Matter of fact, that was an immediate decision that I made. Fortunately for us, we have no family here in Georgia and for the first time, I was grateful for this. I couldn't possibly deliver one more bad news to my family. My brother, at the time, was fighting for his life and Mom recently had received her wings. Let me clarify, the decision that I made, may not be the best decision for others in a similar situation. However, it was the best decision. From that moment on, we referred to it as our silent battle.
Goodbye and Hello
Shortly after the loss of my brother Junior in June, we returned once again to Florida. I wanted to be with my family one last time before treatment as I knew that I wouldn't be returning for a while. I needed to see their faces, hug them, see them smile and if lucky, hear a chuckle or two. I needed to look into the eyes of those who I was fighting for one last time before I stepped into the battle ground. They didn't know it then, but I was getting ready to fight a war that we already knew too much of. I needed to recharge my battery one last time. I was going to fight for all of them and for my Son. I made a promise to my husband that day as we laid in bed shocked by the recent news. I promised my Husband that I was going to fight for him, our Son and my family until my last breath.
We returned to Georgia and things moved swiftly. My first big step was to cut my hair shoulder length, next visit the hospital to get my port surgically implanted and the following week, Chemo was scheduled to begin. I was ready to face it all, both the known and the unknown. Did I want to? Absolutely not. I knew that my life and my little families life was about to flip upside down. However, I felt peace in the middle of the storm and just knew that God was in control, also, that my Mom and Brother were watching over me from up above.
Today...
I would like to share after 16 weekly sessions of chemo, surgery for lymph nodes removal, 5 weeks of daily radiation and 4 out of 9 Immunotherapy infusions, I no longer have active cancerous cells. Oncologists will not claim that I am cancer free until 3 years from now, but acknowledge successful treatment. However, I will claim it. I am cancer free and I will remain cancer free!
In the next few blogs I will be sharing more in detail my diagnoses, findings, treatments, affects of chemo, radiation and immunotherapy. Also, things that I have learned throughout this journey, products used and how I was able to suppress certain symptoms. I can't stress enough that this is the experience of MY JOURNEY. Everyone's experience is different. I am not a medical professional, but I am a woman who has fought hard during her cancer journey whos desire is to assist others in finding hope through this process. I want to be as transparent as possible and pray that my testimony can assist and provide hope for others.
What next?
Please help by sharing forwarding this blog to your social media page, forwarding to others who may be going through a similar journey. I know personally, it was helpful to learn about others journey. I did not find a whole lot which is why I myself decided to share as difficult that it is for me. I am a fine example that you just never know what others are going through in their own personal lives. In January of 2024 I finally shared with my family about my diagnoses, shortly after, I shared with others including my place of employment and close friends. To be totally transparent, lots of individuals still do not know until the day they read this blog. All of this to say, please share.
Thank You!
XOXO,
Brenda
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